The Four Dimensions of Mentoring

Sometimes I am asked, what is the single most powerful tool that facilitates personal development? This is a tricky question because any answer must be contextual; one factor might be speed. How fast do you want the personal development to occur? If speed is the issue, then clearly you may choose a process that is not the most powerful or transformative, but it gets the job done. However, if we stick to our principles and think about what really makes the biggest impact, then I believe the process which delivers most effectively is also possibly the oldest; certainly, it dates back to the dawn of time. I am referring to mentoring.

Mentoring is powerful because it is virtually synonymous with parenting; indeed, in its nature and origin, mentoring is parenting. Mentor was the wise and experienced counsellor to whom Odysseus, in the Odyssey, entrusted his son Telemachus when he set off to fight in the Trojan War. Odysseus was gone for twenty years before he returned to claim his throne and re-join his family. By then, Mentor was long dead, but he had taught Telemachus, Odysseus’ son, well. He had been a father to him – and a mother too. For one curious aspect of the story is that once Mentor died, no-one noticed because the goddess Pallas Athene, who had a special relationship with Odysseus, substituted herself for Mentor and continued fulfilling his role. Pallas Athene was the Greek goddess of wisdom, and it seems entirely appropriate that the tuition and learning Telemachus received were thus both masculine and feminine in character.

There are various methodologies that can seriously help, develop, and build people up; these methods are people-centric: coaching, counselling, therapy, consultancy. In the appropriate context, all these approaches are powerful and effective. However, they usually operate on one or two of the four dimensions that significantly impact people. Mentoring, by contrast, must work on all four dimensions. This makes mentoring the most difficult and challenging methodology of all. Yet, it is also the most rewarding and transformative.

The Four Dimensions of Mentoring

What, then, are these four dimensions that impact people so strongly?

1. Support People love to feel supported – that someone is there for them, sometimes by their side or alongside them as they face difficulties. However, we see – often with parents – that providing only support can lead to problems, such as co-dependency. With support, there needs to be its opposite: challenge.
2. Challenge People need challenges and to be challenged, for without this, it is highly unlikely they will achieve much. However, as with support, too much of anything can lead to problems. Excessive challenge combined with a lack of support can lead to serious burnout.
3. Empathy Empathy is similar to support in that it involves resonating with someone’s feelings and seeing life from their perspective. Empathy can be essential in bringing out the best in others, especially when they feel isolated or overwhelmed. It reassures people that they are not alone in their struggles. However, too much empathy can result in stagnation, as individuals may become entrenched in their position without seeking change.
4. Objectivity Objectivity is the counterbalance to empathy. When individuals are deeply wrapped in their problems, they often lose sight of reality. An objective perspective can help them reframe their situation and see the ‘object’ for what it truly is. However, excessive objectivity can feel distant and cold, potentially causing rejection.

Mapping the Dimensions

If we consider these four dimensions and draw them on two axes, we can see how different approaches align:

• Coaching: Typically challenging-objective or challenging-empathic.
• Counselling: Typically empathic-supportive.
• Therapy: Often objective-supportive.
• Consultancy: Typically challenging-objective.

All of these have their place and importance. However, mentoring must encompass all four dimensions.

Balancing Yin and Yang

In other words, the mentor must balance yin and yang: challenging and objective are ‘hard’, representing yang, while support and empathy are ‘soft’, representing yin. The right proportion of these elements is essential for any given person. When achieved, mentoring approaches the ‘parenting’ position. This level of work with another person, this level of intimacy, is almost a form of love.

That is why, when done properly, mentoring is so effective. However, to say ‘when done properly’ might seem to condense mentoring to a set of skills. While skills are indeed crucial, mentoring, like parenting, transcends mere skill. It is an attitude, a mindset, and a level of commitment that goes beyond technique. When we encounter people who can mentor us in this way, we are truly transformed.

If you are a mentor, why not score yourself out of 10 on each of these dimensions:

Image from Mapping Motivation for Coaching (Sale and Moynan, Routledge,2018)

Keep in mind, your lowest score will be your Achilles’ Heel in the process. What do you need to do to improve?

For more information, read Mapping Motivation for Coaching.